Happy Birthday Mateo

Dear Mateo, 
I want you to know that you have the bravest of all parents, straight ninja-type parents, who after 3 months of finding out they were pregnant with you, were no longer scared out of their minds. After having your sisters, we were convinced that you were also going to be a girl. But at our ultrasound, the technician, announced that you were a boy. Daddy was dead silent. Mamá was bawling, rambling and texting......all at the same time.  You will soon find out that this is a common trend around here. 

On February 25th, 2010 at 12:10 am, you were born. So perfect and so sweet. So warm and so cuddly. So stinky and so smiley. So yawny and so grumpy. All at once. I know, mamá likes to make up adjectives. But you were and you still are. You have been such a miracle for our family. You are the only one that everyone fights to be next to. The only one that everyone fights to spoon feed (please do not get used to this). The only one that no one can ever be upset with and the only one who has never been to time out. Your sisters enjoy reading to you, showing you how to do things, watching you take a bath and pretending to know what you just said. 

You love learning new things. You love to dance as you listen to music (you always listen to Shakira because daddy says he is your favorite-hmmmmm). You enjoy being sung to (Pon, Pon, Pon and La araña pequeñita are some of your faves). You love trucks and electronics but you also enjoy playing Disney Princesses and Barbies with your sisters. Don't be embarrassed, this is  totally normal. 

This past year has been a little hectic, managing three kids has not always been easy. Sometimes daddy and I don't always know the right thing to do or say. But, I think daddy and I finally have it down. We realized what makes everyone happy. Love. All we have to do is love you. You fit in perfectly in this family because you love to be loved and we are all pretty darn good at it. 

Tú mami que te quiere.

Chemo, Week 1

1st Chemo Treatment

Felicitas had her very first chemotherapy treatment last Friday. The treatment should normally take a few hours because pre labs must be completed beforehand and pre meds need to be administered first. Unfortunately, this treatment lasted a long 7 hours. The first chemo drug she was scheduled to receive was Taxol. Her mom had been severely allergic to Taxol, so they had a nurse and physicians assistant monitoring her, ready to step in if Felicitas had a reaction to the drug. Her oncologist, Dr. Parker also checked in before her infusion, to make sure the nurses were aware there could be a possible allergy to the drug. Within a minute and a half of the Taxol infusion, she began having severe stomach cramps, was feeling extremely hot, and was unable to breathe. This was understandably very frightening. The staff explained that she isn't allergic to the Taxol, but was having a reaction because of the rate it was being administered. After a short recovery period, they tried giving her the Taxol again, but ended up decreasing the rate in half. So it took twice the amount of time to administer the drug, but Felicitas was able to handle the infusion well with this change. After receiving the Taxol, she was given her second chemotherapy drug, Carboplatin. She will get this drug once every three weeks. 

Felicitas and Lisa

Obviously after being there for 7 hours, she was completely exhausted! After chemo, she was able to come home and sleep for 3 hours. Her amazing comadres and friends of 15 years, Lisa Shimomura and Kristine Sterchi were at her first chemo treatment, along with Junior. They had been in town the week prior, helping the Rayray's prepare for chemo, run last minute errands, watch the kids, take care of the house, and keep Felicitas company. They also helped put together the kids' schedules, Felicitas' medication chart and organize all her medical paperwork. These were all tasks that needed to be completed before the Rayray's have family and friends staying with them to help. It meant so much to Felicitas to have had these two helping her through this difficult week. She feels so lucky to have you both in her life and loves you both so much!!

Kristine and Felicitas

For the most part, Felicitas has been feeling okay. She's definitely exhausted and feeling short of breath, but her nausea has been mild, although she doesn't have much of an appetite. She's currently taking anti-nausea medication, so hopefully that combined with a lower dose of weekly chemo treatments will help her not feel so sick. Thanks again for all the love, prayers and kind words!!!! It means more than you know!

Chemotherapy Update

Last week, Felicitas had a surgery to put in her Portacath. This device will be used to administer her weekly chemotherapy treatments. She also had a series of tests done in preparation for the clinical trial (Ispy-2), biopsies of tumor and lymph nodes, mamogram, ultrasound, MRI, and lab work. All the tests were sent to UCSF to be reviewed. This week, UCSF returned the MammaPrint, a microarray based test in which the result classifies analyzed tumors as low or high risk for recurrence of the disease. Her results indicated that her cancer is high risk and that she is eligible to participate in the Ispy-2 Trial immediately. I have included a link to an article explaining Ispy-2, the clinical trial that Felicitas is particpating in under "Important Links."

Yesterday, UCSD randomly assigned her as part of the 80% of participants to receive an experimental drug in addition to the standard chemotherapy.  Felicitas will go through 12 cycles of Taxol and 4 cycles of Carboplatin (1 cycle of Carboplatin every 3 weeks).

At 7:30 this morning, she met with her oncologist, Dr. Parker to discuss all of the details of her chemotherapy. Her first round of chemo is tomorrow, February 18 at 8am which is exactly one month to the day from when she was diagnosed. 

Felicitas has been completely overwhelmed by the love and kindness from all of the people who have reached out to her over this past month. Friends and family have been so incredibly generous. She has been receiving cards filled with encouragement and support, flowers, had her house cleaned, and been given meals through Dream Dinners that have already proven to be a huge help! The care packages have also been a wonderful distraction during this time. They've been filled with healthy snacks, items to make dinners, lotions, and gifts for the kids, just to name a few. Graciela and Maya are especially loving being able to open these weekly packages! A huge thank you to the staff of Juarez Lincoln Elementary, where Felicitas teaches. They made her a beautiful quilt where each staff member said a prayer while tying on a piece of yarn. They told her when she wraps herself in the quilt, she will be surrounded by their love and prayers. These amazing gestures combined with your thoughts and prayers are giving Felicitas the strength she needs to face each day. The Rayray's feel truly blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding them. 


Here's a message Felicitas wanted to make sure I included:
"Thank you so much to my incredible husband who has been so unbelievably positive and encouraging through this entire journey. He's spent countless hours researching on the internet, come with me to every doctor appointment, asked questions I wouldn't even think to ask. I mean, the doctors were so impressed with his questions, they asked if he had a medical background! He's making sure I stick to my "no refined sugar" diet (which isn't easy!) and even allowing me to sleep in! I have seen a different side to him through all of this. He's the husband I never knew I had! I love you Jun!"

The Chop

BEFORE

AFTER

Yesterday was a big day....Felicitas cut off 10 inches of her hair. She's donating it to Locks of Love, a non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to disadvantaged children suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. She will be starting chemotherapy next week and decided to cut her hair prior to her treatments. 

Let's face it, Felicitas is so gorgeous, she can wear her hair in any style, but this short new do looks amazing on her! Cheli Hanley, Colleen Smith and I were there for moral support and to celebrate with lunch afterwards. 

The Rayray Family, Slideshow #1

Felicitas and Junior's close friend, Frank Villaplando has created a slideshow of the two over the years. To watch a larger version, double click the slideshow and the link will take you directly to YouTube. Get your tissues ready! You'll need them. Thank you so much Frank!

My New Oncologist

As you may have already guessed, we have not been very happy with the care I have been receiving with my current medical group.  Their lack of urgency, their insensitivity to my concerns and all around poor bedside manner has driven us crazy. Honestly, I know that I have had bad luck.  I know that doctors can be wonderful, caring and up to date with current research.  This was all proven on Monday.

I will spare you the details of the countless phone calls made by Junior and myself last week. Phone calls to my insurance company, phone calls to my current medical group and phone calls to the medical group I want to switch to.  We spent hours and hours dealing with so many people, only to find out that no one really knew what they were talking about. To make a long story short, I think we were successful. I say think because my biggest fear is that someone is going to come back and say that they made a mistake and that I have to return to my old medical group or that I get an enormous bill at the end of the month. Yikes!

Samira’s family has a friend who has been treated for breast cancer for several years. When they told her of my situation, she recommended I see her same oncologist, Dr. Barbara Parker, who is now the head of oncology at Moore’s Cancer Center at UCSD. I placed the call to her office over a week ago and they called me back within 30 minutes.  For the next week, they worked with me to try to get me in to see Dr. Parker as quickly as possible. This is exactly what I needed, someone who actually cared.

Yesterday was my first appointment with Dr. Parker. I had already brought in my pathology slides, scans and blood work for her to look over prior to my visit.   Junior, Cindy and I were immediately impressed with her. Her level of expertise, her ability and willingness to answer all of our questions and her positive attitude are just some of her awesome qualities. What has stayed with me most and what I loved most about our visit is that she said that we were going for a CURE. We are going for a CURE! I can’t stop repeating those words in my head. Something that I thought was unattainable is now within reach. I just heart Dr. Parker.

At the end of our consultation, she presented 2 treatment plans:

1. Standard chemotherapy (16 weeks) : This could be started within 2 days

2. Clinical Study: www.ispy2.org: this clinical study involves the standard chemotherapy but also includes additional experimental drugs.  The con to doing the trial is basically the screening process. In order to participate in the trial you must have a high-risk cancer. So, they will conduct a repeat MRI and a research biopsy and those must be sent to UCSF to be screened. UCSF will then let us know if I do in fact have a high-risk cancer and if I can participate in the trial. This takes about 8-10 days.  Through the clinical trial, you will also be monitored closely. A participant will have about 4 MRI’s throughout the chemo process to monitor the tumor and assure that it is shrinking. If it isn’t, they know early on and are able to change your regimen. Also, only 80% of participants will be chosen (its random) to receive the experimental drugs. The other 20% will receive the standard treatment (what I would have been getting anyways) but will be able to be monitored closely as well.  Chemo would be every week for 6 months.

We were leaning toward the clinical trial. We had already done the research and had decided that this was my best chance at beating this.  But just to be absolutely positive, I asked Dr. Parker if she would recommend this trial to her own daughter. She said definitely, without a doubt. That is all I needed to hear.

I signed consent forms for the trial today. I expect the research biopsy and repeat MRI to be tomorrow and then we wait for 8-10 days. We have an estimated start date of Feb 14^th.  Happy Valentine’s Day to us.

This journey has proven to the Rayray family just how wonderful their family and friends are! The outpouring of love has been amazing and they feel truly blessed to have such a strong support system. They have loved having visitors to help take their minds off of the big "C" so keep the visits coming!!! This past weekend their good friends Frank and Marissa Villaplando, Jennefer Porch and her twin daughters Ryenn and Rylee, Stacey and Quinn Morimoto, Gerry Granados, Uncle Gabe, and Felicitas' Nina, Janet Johns were all there to lift the Rayray's spirits. 

My Official Diagnosis

It’s hard to believe that it has only been 9 days since my diagnosis. This journey has already seemed so long but yet it has not even really begun.  There have been quite a few developments since my last entry. After my pathology results meeting with the general surgeon, he ordered an MRI, which I had that day (1/19).  I had to cry on the phone with scheduling to get this appointment. Lol.  They expected my results within 2 days. Friday, January 21^st, I met with the oncologist for the first time. He informed us of my exact stage of cancer.  We now know that I am stage three (T3N3bMx) and that the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. We also know that the tumor has doubled in size since my ultrasound on November 2^nd. It is about 6cm x 6 cm. The type of cancer that I have and the exact treatment plan was yet to be determined.

I spent the weekend surrounded by loving friends and family.  My comadre, Monica, and my friend from high school, Teresa, came to visit.  I am so glad they did because they lifted my spirits. We laughed, reminisced and worked on organizing my closet. They made me get rid of everything that was out of style. Hey, ponchos may make a come back! My nina seems to think they never went out of style.  My comadre/sister in law, Cindy, helped head up a project that I have been wanting to complete for years, the organization of our garage. It’s amazing how many things a family can accumulate in 6 years!  She and some other friends, Viviane, Tracy, Amy, Gabe and uncle Todd also helped and I am forever grateful to have so many people around me who care.

Monday and Tuesday (1/23 and 1/24) were devoted to CT scan and PET scans.

Wednesday (1/25) I was back in to meet oncologist to go over the results of my blood work, CT scan, PET scan and the second half of the pathology report.  Cindy came with Junior and I to take notes. She is very detailed and took at least 6 pages of notes. She should be a court reporter. Love you, Cindy!  What the oncologist reported was that all blood work came back normal and all scans came back normal. The cancer seems to only be located at the site of the tumor, the lymph nodes and a small spot on the internal mammary node right next to the breastbone.  This is good news and should definitely be celebrated. He also informed us that the type of cancer I have is triple negative. Honestly, Junior and Cindy know more about all the different types of cancers than I do.  I am trying to stop with the research because it upsets me.  But from what I understand, triple negative cancer lacks the estrogen, progesterone and HER 2 protein receptors therefore the drugs that would be used to treat the other types of cancers, cannot be used on me. I will not be able to take anti hormone drugs to treat my cancer.   

The Treatment Plan:

In recent years, research has shown that rates of reoccurrence decrease when chemotherapy is done prior to surgery. The doctor recommended 6 cycles of chemotherapy, one cycle every 3 weeks. Followed by surgery. His suggested drugs are Taxotere, Adriamycin and Cytoxan (TAC).  He said that I could start in the next 1-2 weeks but that he suggested that we get a second opinion. We are in the process of doing so.